DEFUNDING…a short story

Feb 23, 2024 by

Recently, politicians on the ultra liberal side of the fence have suggested that their constituents might be better off if they had less contact with the police. They suggest “defunding” police budgets and allowing these citizens to resolve their own problems. Unfortunately, these politicians wouldn’t know a police necessity from the empty space between their ears.


(The following is based on a real incident. However, in that case, the police responded quickly and the situation was resolved. The actual disposition is noted at the end of the chapter.)

911 Operator: “Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?”

Caller: “I just had an accident and I need help. Please. I need help fast.”

911 Operator: “What is your location?”

Caller: “I’m at the intersection of Montauk Highway and Nichol’s Road in Blue Point.

911 Operator: “Is anyone injured?”

Caller: “I don’t think so. I’m not hurt and neither of my daughters are hurt. The other guy, he was on a motorcycle, he’s walking around and yelling. He’s cursing. He has a filthy mouth. I don’t think he’s hurt.”

911 operator: “Yes, ma’am. If no one is injured, why do you need help fast?”

Caller: “Jesus Christ, because these people are animals! There are four of them. One is with the man who ran the red light, turned in front of me, and I hit him. The other two are standing around my car. One is peering into the window at my daughters and making…sucking sounds. Good Christ, he has his nose pressed against the window!”

911 operator: “Sucking sounds? Does he have a sucking chest wound?”

Caller: “Chest wound? How would I know? He wasn’t in the accident.”

911 Operator: “I’m sorry ma’am, but because of the recent defunding of the police department and newly imposed restrictions on contact with the public, we’re not allowed to dispatch a car to assist with a motor vehicle accident without personal injury.”

Caller: “Then what the hell am I supposed to do? These four men are big and, as I mentioned to you before, they look like animals. They’re wearing demin jackets with the sleeves cut off. On the back it says, Pagans MC. I’m telling you, they look like animals.”

911 Operator: “Have you exchanged your license, registration and proof of insurance yet?”

Caller: “Are you crazy? You want me to deal with these thugs alone?”

911 Operator: “Ma’am, I suggest you use intelligent interpersonal communications skills and speak to the other person involved in the accident. Once you record his personal and vehicle information you can be on your way. Once you get home, I suggest you contact your insurance agent and report the incident.”

Caller: (Now sounding almost hysterical) “Why can’t you send a police car? For God’s sake, I need some help here?”

911 operator: “I have an idea, ma’am. Many times the members of motorcycle gangs have arrest warrants lodged against them. Why don’t you ask the driver of the motorcycle that you hit and his friends if they have any outstanding warrants? If they do, I can send a police officer to arrest them. If that’s the case, the officer can assist you obtaining the information you need for your insurance company.”

Caller: “Have I just stepped into the Twilight Zone?”

911 Operator: “Ma’am?”

In reality, a police car responded, within 2 minutes of the occurrence, the officers assisted the woman and her daughters, and after making data checks on the four members of the Pagans Motorcycle “Club”, arrested two subjects on felony and misdemeanor warrants. Within thirty minutes, the two remaining Pagans took custody of the motorcycle involved in the accident and that of the other arrestee. The woman, whose automobile was capable of being driven, resumed her trip back to her home in Sayville, New York, still shaken, but safe from any interference from the motorcyclists.

As an aside, the two arrested subjects were laid over a Xerox machine in the police precinct house by the arresting officers, where their distinctive tattoos were photocopied and forwarded to the Motorcycle Gang Intelligence Unit for future reference.

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